Florida Man

The Other McCain notes Florida Man Strikes Again.

In the annals of American journalism, one thing is forever certain. No matter what happens, “Florida Man” is always in the headlines

In the long list of pointless crimes, this is more pointless than most. It must be something in the water…

Over a long wait at a fast food restaurant, for which a refund was paid, one person is dead, and one is in jail.

Peak Florida. At least for today.

Not the Sharpest Tools in the Shed

Almost a Quote of the Day. Stupid Is as Stupid Does.

You know, when I highlight stories like this, I hesitate to point out the obvious lesson, for fear that I might be giving criminals advice on how better to get away with felonies. But then I rememember that these idiots are probably illiterate, so there is no harm in saying this…

Yes do do have to click the link to see the whole thing.

And then there is this candidate for Mensa: Antifa Trash Fire Roundup.

How did the feds apprehend this criminal genius? Well, they were helped by the fact that (a) Schinzing was shirtless during the “mostly peaceful” protest, and (b) he has his rather distinctive surname tattooed on his back.

Did you think that this “protest” (the peaceful part lasted less than 20 minutes) would be different from all the rest, and there would be no cameras? Geniuses. They are geniuses in Antifa.

I’m Sure That Isn’t What She Meant to Do

She was helping. And then she submitted a review online. BREAKING: Antifa Terrorist Who Threw Bomb at Federal Agents in Portland is Identified — BY HIS GRANDMOTHER!

Leave it to 4-Chan…

His leftist grandmother bought him the vest online.

She wrote a review on the product at Hibbett.com.

That review included a nice photo of him…

Don’t Bring a Knife to a Gunfight

Especially when the cop you are facing is an expert with her weapon. She was known as a ‘top shot.’ Now an L.A. cop is at the center of a deadly shooting.

LA Officer Toni McBride is expert shot. The idiot she faced had a knife and ignored the “drop the knife” command (issued 3 times) before she shot him.

In the middle of a scruffy street south of downtown on April 22, she faced off with a man holding a razor box cutter. She fired six shots from her Glock 17, hitting Daniel Hernandez with every round and killing the 38-year-old carpet installer and father of a teenage daughter.

As The Other McCain notes… he gets the Hat Tip…

Because this is 2020, of course, everybody in L.A. is trying to turn this into an excuse for a protest. “Stupid Lives Matter,” or whatever.

And of course she is being sued because reasons.

They Didn’t Think That Thru

Instead of 90 minute delay, they were stuck in Miami overnight. In the Dade-county jail, to be exact. Video shows passengers attack airline workers at Fort Lauderdale airport.

According to Spirit Airlines, the three employees suffered minor injuries when three guests “became combative following a delayed flight.”

According to Broward Sheriff’s Office arrest reports, the three women hit the airplane employees “with miscellaneous items, such as phones, shoes, full water bottles, metal boarding signs and fast food.”

So because they were upset about a delayed flight, they attack a few Spirit Airlines employees. Then they get arrested and spend the night in jail. When they get out of jail, they don’t know how they will get back to Philadelphia. I think they should have just chilled in the airport waiting area. But what do I know?

Two were arrested on charges of touch or strike battery. The third got an extra charge for stealing an employee’s phone.

There could be additional charges.

Body Cams Tell the Whole Story

They were only supposed to get the cops in trouble, not back up what the cops said. Laurel police release body cam footage from July 4 noise call.

After four calls for noise complaints, the homeowner didn’t want to get a ticket, and didn’t want to stop the party. She ended up getting arrested, and 2 others got arrested for “interfering.”

[Police Chief Tommy] Cox said four minutes and 40 seconds after the officers arrived, things escalated after three gunshots were fired nearby.

“The shots were not fired by police officers. We don’t fire shots up in the air. They did not know, and at this point, we still don’t know who fired the shots,” Cox said.

Cox said the body cam video provides a full picture of what happened that night.

It seems a big noise was made on social media because the cops had their guns drawn. Well, after 3 shots were fired nearby, exactly what do you think the cops should do? Volunteer to die without a fight? Again from Chief Cox…

This is not my opinion about what happened. This is fact about what happened. We just want a fair shake.

Good luck with that Chief.

Oh, and if the cops show up at your door and tell you to cut down on the noise, you have a choice. You can either cut down on the noise and take the ticket, or you can spend a couple hours at your local police station and get a ticket, and a summons for resisting. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m saying those are the conditions that prevail.

Irony and Karma

Irony as comedy may be illegal, but reality didn’t get that memo. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes.

Summer Taylor, a 24-year-old, died after she was hit by a car on I-5 in Seattle. She was part of a “protest” blocking the highway. Diaz Love, 32 was also struck and has serious injuries.

So . . . white women blocking a freeway to protest on behalf of #BlackLivesMatter were hit by a black man driving a white Jaguar.

Karma is not only a bitch, she also has a well-developed sense of irony.

Stop “fooling around with guns”

They are not toys. They are quite dangerous things, and you should respect them. Man arrested after he accidentally shoots, kills friend, state police say.

A Rhode Island man who state police said fatally shot his friend while fooling around with guns at a New Milford party last year was arrested on a manslaughter charge Tuesday.

Rules of safe gun-handling exist for a reason.

“Stupidity is not a federal crime”

Too bad. This guy would be convicted of felony stupidity. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes.

Matthew Lee Rupert of Galesburg, Illinois is our not-genius.

A man from downstate Galesburg who allegedly appears on video rioting, looting and urging attacks against the police has been hit with what appears to be the first federal criminal charge related to the violence this weekend in Chicago.

Things like that happen when you post video of yourself handing out bombs, encouraging the use of bombs, looting from stores and various other offenses.

Stupidity is not a federal crime, otherwise more Democrats would be in prison, but Rupert’s extreme stupidity — posting evidence of his terrorist spree on Facebook — is worthy of special consideration.

Second City Cop Calls This “The Self-cleaning Oven”

Well I mentioned the Darwin Awards this week already, but we have another winner. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes.

So apparently there is a coordinated effort to steal and vandalize ATMs in Philadelphia.

At least one young activist wasn’t hard to locate:

A man died while trying to blow up an ATM in North Philadelphia early Tuesday as thieves blew up or stole cash machines across the city

The Stupidity. It can kill you. (And it will hurt, while you die.)

Stupid Criminals of the Week

You could definitely file this under “A Failure of the Victim-selection Process.” 2 men, 2 teens charged with trying to rob off-duty cop near Lakeview police station.

How to be the stupid criminals of the week.

  1. Attempt a robbery near a police station.
  2. Try to rob an off-duty cop.

But the robbery failed and all five offenders ran when the sergeant pulled out a handgun and announced that he is a police officer, according to a CPD spokesperson. The robbery unfolded about 100 yards from the 19th District police station at 850 West Addison.

Four of five have been picked up. Bets on the deal they get from the State’s Attorney? (Kim Foxx isn’t fond of prosecuting miscreants.)

Florida Man

He was from Alabama, but got into trouble in Orlando. The Mouse has strange powers. Man arrested after camping on Disney World’s Discovery Island during coronavirus pandemic.

Or maybe it’s just something in the water.

Richard McGuire, 42, from Mobile, Alabama, was arrested April 30 after camping on Walt Disney World’s Discovery Island, according to an arrest report acquired by USA TODAY. He was banned from all Disney properties and charged with trespassing.

Orange County officers conducted a search by foot, boat and helicopter and eventually found him.

He had been sleeping in one of the island’s buildings and referred to the property as a “tropical paradise,” according to the arrest report.

Peak Florida. At least for today.

“If all robbers were this dumb, our jobs would be a lot easier.”

He went to a cellphone store looking for money. He’s never heard of credit cards, apparently. Would-be robber gets locked inside Boost Mobile store, tries to shoot his way out: Police.

So the clerk had no money, but told the guy he could get some. Just wait right here.

“Can you wait a few minutes, I give you money, I have another employee outside,” the clerk said he told him.
So the bandit agreed to wait inside while he went out to get the money and locked the door behind him.

“Yes, I closed the door and put the shutter down,” the employee said.

SWAT showed up a few minutes later and convinced the would-be bad-guy to surrender. In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a Maroon.”

So if you beat an unarmed man in a battle of wits, does that count as self-defense?

Armed Self-defense: International Edition

Here’s a story from Brazil. You broke into the WRONG house! Homeowner opens fire at armed gang who broke into his house in Brazil, sending the cowards running for their lives.

After hacking the security system they parked in the garage and entered the home.

But as they ventured upstairs they were met by the furious homeowner who blasted a pistol at them at point-blank range and sent them fleeing in terror – leaving behind their vehicle.

Police said no arrests have been made but one of the bungling crooks dropped his wallet, ID card and mobile phone at the crime scene, according to Brazilian news outlet G1 Globo.

So at least that guy qualifies as “stupid criminal.” Self-defense is a human-right. And Brazil has been doing more to ensure that it is your legal right as well.

Secret Service K9 Honored for 2014 Event

the PDSA Awards are a big deal. Secret Service Dog Honored For Defending White House From Intruder.

One of the most interesting things about this story is the description of working security.

“Security is 99 percent hanging out waiting for something to happen and 1 percent something actually happening,” Mirarchi recently told Coffee or Die. Still, they remained vigilant and ready for one of those singular moments to occur.

The dog, apparently, is often asleep during that 99 percent.

Working dogs are not pets, but Hurricane earned his pay, got early retirement, and now lives the good life with his old handler, Marshall Mirarchi.

So in October of 2014, some knucklehead jumps the White House fence and runs toward the mansion.

Mirarchi continued. “Although it was not a situation I would deploy him in, it was our only option at the time. I knew he would get it done if I could get him locked on the right guy. The second he got target lock, I let him go. He took off and weaved in and out of the team members in front of us and took the intruder right off his feet. It was the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen a dog do from that distance in those conditions.

Then it’s a wrestling match between a 200 pound miscreant and an 80 pound dog. They dog did eventually have help from the rest of the Secret Service.

If you have 7 minutes or so, click thru and watch the video.

Alligator + Alcohol = Peak Florida

“Here, hold my beer. Y’all watch this!” What does a drunk alligator look like? Two men face charges for trying to find out.

Of course they posted a video.

Wildlife officials first received a complaint about the video in August. The video shows an individual holding an alligator, allowing it to bite his right forearm then pouring a Coors beer into the reptile’s mouth, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After consuming the beer, the alligator thrashes violently.

The two people involved were arrested and charged with “felony taking of an alligator.”

Quote of the Day

Get ready to bask in the glow of nuclear-level stupidity. Need to mail a bunch of narcotics? Here’s what not to do.

Here’s the quote:

If the Unabomber were dead, he’d roll over in his grave.

So he calls an Uber to take him to a restaurant.

Along the way, Borowski-Beszta asked the Uber driver to pull over because he wanted to mail something. The driver did.

That’s when… You’re not going to believe this.

That’s when police say Borowski-Beszta pulled his hoodie over his face, put on sunglasses and gloves, then “carefully placed a package into a mailbox” at a massive intersection with no fewer than four city surveillance cameras in plain view. On the 18th anniversary of the September 11 attacks.

In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

Since the Uber driver wasn’t an idiot, he called police after dropping the guy off.

Audio of “Shots Fired,” a Cop Shot, and Radio Chaos

An incident occurred on Staten Island where an officer, responding to a domestic-violence call, was shot. ‘I’m shot’: Dramatic NYPD scanner audio captures first moments after police-involved shooting.

This is interesting because it points out something that the cop-shows and movies seem to ignore/gloss-over. The chaos of a radio channel when multiple people are all trying to talk at once. In this case the dispatcher can’t even get a clear response to “what is the location of the 10-13?” because of insanity. Even calls for a clear channel, seem to be ignored.

The cop was shot in the hand, when the subject pulled a gun, and there was struggle to control that weapon. The subject was shot 3 times, and died as a result of those injuries.

He Is Damn Lucky He Wasn’t Shot

He got drunk. He got lost. ‘I said get the eff out’ – More details on Saturday’s criminal tresspasses in West Fargo.

He let himself into one home, and asked to pass out on the couch, which was when he was asked to “Get the eff out.”

He was pounding on a neighbor’s window so hard he broke a screen.

His mother says he was just drunk and didn’t mean any harm. But he could be so dead.

North Dakota Century Code 12.1-05-06 says force is justified if it is used to prevent or terminate an unlawful entry or other trespass in or upon premises…

Norton says the young man is lucky to be alive.

So lucky.

The Stupid. It Burns.

This guy wins a gold medal for this boneheaded move. Listen: Man calls Sharonville Police Department to complain that officers stole his weed.

No. Recreational marijuana is NOT legal in Ohio.

After a brief conversation with a dispatcher, the man goes on a rant about how “motherf****** cops” pocketed his weed then demanded his weed back, insisting anything under 100 grams is “cool.”

“From what I know 100 grams is cool, right? Or am I wrong?” the caller said.

“You are wrong,” the sergeant said.

And while Cincinnati has apparently decided to look the other way on a small amount of weed, Sharonville is most definitely not Cincinnati.