Some Stories You Just Can’t Ignore

Even though I try. (I really do.) “They weren’t lasers from aliens.” That’s the opening sentence to the following article: Bath salts land two in jail for shooting at ‘alien lasers’ that were really fireflies, police say.

This story keeps popping up in my news searches. Actually several articles from different media outlets keep popping up. You could file this under “The stupid, it hurts.”

They weren’t lasers from aliens. Police in Pennsylvania say two people were shooting at what they thought were green lasers shot by aliens, but when in reality the flashing lights were actually fireflies. Police said the reason they thought it was an alien invasion was because of bath salts, WBRE reported.

They then “broke into a house” to ask for help – in the form of asking the homeowner to call the police. Which he did (after getting the gun away from this idiot).

Charges? They didn’t include felony stupidity in the list, but they should have.

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Best Security Video Ever

These two get points for effort, but in the end the Canadian cops arrest both of them. That Canadian Convenience Store Robbery Is The Year’s Most Suspenseful Movie

Seriously. Have you seen how spectacularly well-edited it is? Let me explain.

I’ve seen episodes of cop shows that aren’t this entertaining. (It’s only 2.5 minutes long…) The video below isn’t from the link above exactly. This one has the music from Benny Hill. Much better.

Alcohol Can Be Dangerous to Your Health

Don’t get into a drunken state and then try to break into a retired cops house. Teacher caught on video in bizarre break-in attempt: ‘I came very close to shooting her,’ homeowner says

15 minutes pounding on the door and on windows, because she thought her friend was there. The homeowner, a retired cop, kept telling her to leave. Only when she said that she was armed with a gun did this drunken idiot (who is apparently a school teacher) walk away. Just in time for the cops to arrive and arrest her.

“I came very close to shooting her and I don’t think she or her family realized that,” [Christine] Paul explained. “I mean, it’s something nobody wants to do.”

Seconds after Paul told the woman she was armed with a gun, she is seen walking away as police are pulling up.

She was charged with vandalism and released to a friend.

Even if your friend is there, why are you banging on the windows? Maybe I’ve just never been that drunk. (Part of me wants to put this the Self-defense category, but it just highlights that the stupid can hurt. If she’d broken one of those windows, she might be dead, or in hospital.)

He – Literally – Shot Himself in the Foot

Two storied of stupid criminals. The first one is a runner up for the Darwin Award. Burglar Caught Napping | New Haven Independent

At 2:13 a.m. the police went to an Ellsworth Avenue apartment where a 54-year-old man said he’d shot himself after striking a shotgun shell with a hammer. He went to the hospital, where he told Detective Daniel Conklin that “he’d been paranoid after smoking crack cocaine, retrieved the weapon, and that while walking with it, shot himself.”

He is a convicted felon, so possession of a firearm is illegal. And a sawed-off shotgun is illegal on its own (unless you jump through a bunch of hoops and get it legal under the National Firearms Act).

The 2nd guy isn’t much better, but at least he didn’t shoot himself.

Police went to the scene of a reported break-in on Eastern Street — and found the alleged burglar, a 27-year-old Ansonia man, asleep on the living-room sofa.

He had some story about a woman letting him in, but the homeowner had watched him break into the home on a surveillance system that connected to her smartphone. Think about that – he broke in, and decided the logical thing to do was to take a nap.

Criminals aren’t usually the sharpest tools in the shed, but these two are amazing in their insanity.

There are so many things wrong with this story it is giving me a headache

Well, that’s not true, I already had a headache, but this is just insane. Man escapes hours-long standoff to shop at Walmart, killed by police after returning home | abc11.com

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

So police have a guy “surrounded” in his house following a “domestic situation.” Except they didn’t have him surrounded.

A western Indiana shooting suspect involved in a two-day standoff slipped away undetected from a home surrounded by police and went shopping

Because apparently what you need after a 2-day standoff with police is a quick trip to Walmart. (He didn’t buy ammunition.)

Then he goes back to the area where all the cops are, and he gets fatally shot.

What kind of Keystone Cops have a building surrounded, but can’t manage to keep the object of their wrath from escaping? Was he Houdini? Somehow I doubt it. Was it just “mostly surrounded?” Who knows.

Walmart also gives me a headache, but at 3AM you don’t have a lot of choices of where to go shopping.

Then why go back to where all the cops are hoping to shoot you?

It’s too early for April Fools, and too late for The Feast of Fools…

The police chief is taking steps to ensure he doesn’t look like the head Keystone Cop in the future. That is, making sure no one escapes from a standoff.

Go to the Cops to Make a Complaint About Harassment, Get Harassed

Do they say, “Only in the UK?” They probably need to start. Cop ‘kissed and groped’ domestic abuse victim and ‘messaged three others’ while he was assisting them with their complaints – Mirror Online

Ihsan Ali, 40, used his work mobile phone to message four women who he had been assisting in their complaints to police, a jury was told.

Ali exchanged hundreds of texts with the women and even went to one of their houses to exchange kisses, Preston Crown Court heard.

In that place where Great Britain used to be.

He REALLY Picked the Wrong House

He broke into a cop’s house, while the cop was home with his family. Can I have 2 posts titled, “He suffered a failure of the victim selection process” in a row? Cop justified in shooting man who broke into his home, authorities find | NJ.com

So the cop and his wife wake up to the noise of a break-in. He goes downstairs to investigate, and she calls 911. He encounters the burglar in the dining room. When the officer identifies himself, by screaming, “Stop! Police!” the miscreant runs for the front door. The problem with that is he is also headed for the staircase that leads to the 2nd floor, where the cop’s wife and child are.

Things didn’t end-well for the would-be bad-guy. He is in a local hospital, with a gunshot wound to the chest. All over a video-game system, an iPad and a few other things.

The cop (who was never identified) was authorized as both a cop, and as a private citizen, to defend himself, and his family.

“The off-duty officer was authorized to use deadly force as a police officer who was making an arrest for a burglary of a dwelling and reasonably believed that deadly force was immediately necessary to protect himself or his wife/child from imminent danger of death or serious bodily harm,” the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office said. “Additionally, the off-duty officer was authorized to use deadly force as a private citizen who encountered a burglar within his home.”

That is even in New Jersey, self-defense is a human-right. Good Guys 1, Bad Guys 0.