“Stupidity is not a federal crime”

Too bad. This guy would be convicted of felony stupidity. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes.

Matthew Lee Rupert of Galesburg, Illinois is our not-genius.

A man from downstate Galesburg who allegedly appears on video rioting, looting and urging attacks against the police has been hit with what appears to be the first federal criminal charge related to the violence this weekend in Chicago.

Things like that happen when you post video of yourself handing out bombs, encouraging the use of bombs, looting from stores and various other offenses.

Stupidity is not a federal crime, otherwise more Democrats would be in prison, but Rupert’s extreme stupidity — posting evidence of his terrorist spree on Facebook — is worthy of special consideration.

Second City Cop Calls This “The Self-cleaning Oven”

Well I mentioned the Darwin Awards this week already, but we have another winner. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes.

So apparently there is a coordinated effort to steal and vandalize ATMs in Philadelphia.

At least one young activist wasn’t hard to locate:

A man died while trying to blow up an ATM in North Philadelphia early Tuesday as thieves blew up or stole cash machines across the city

The Stupidity. It can kill you. (And it will hurt, while you die.)

Stupid Criminals of the Week

You could definitely file this under “A Failure of the Victim-selection Process.” 2 men, 2 teens charged with trying to rob off-duty cop near Lakeview police station.

How to be the stupid criminals of the week.

  1. Attempt a robbery near a police station.
  2. Try to rob an off-duty cop.

But the robbery failed and all five offenders ran when the sergeant pulled out a handgun and announced that he is a police officer, according to a CPD spokesperson. The robbery unfolded about 100 yards from the 19th District police station at 850 West Addison.

Four of five have been picked up. Bets on the deal they get from the State’s Attorney? (Kim Foxx isn’t fond of prosecuting miscreants.)

Florida Man

He was from Alabama, but got into trouble in Orlando. The Mouse has strange powers. Man arrested after camping on Disney World’s Discovery Island during coronavirus pandemic.

Or maybe it’s just something in the water.

Richard McGuire, 42, from Mobile, Alabama, was arrested April 30 after camping on Walt Disney World’s Discovery Island, according to an arrest report acquired by USA TODAY. He was banned from all Disney properties and charged with trespassing.

Orange County officers conducted a search by foot, boat and helicopter and eventually found him.

He had been sleeping in one of the island’s buildings and referred to the property as a “tropical paradise,” according to the arrest report.

Peak Florida. At least for today.

“If all robbers were this dumb, our jobs would be a lot easier.”

He went to a cellphone store looking for money. He’s never heard of credit cards, apparently. Would-be robber gets locked inside Boost Mobile store, tries to shoot his way out: Police.

So the clerk had no money, but told the guy he could get some. Just wait right here.

“Can you wait a few minutes, I give you money, I have another employee outside,” the clerk said he told him.
So the bandit agreed to wait inside while he went out to get the money and locked the door behind him.

“Yes, I closed the door and put the shutter down,” the employee said.

SWAT showed up a few minutes later and convinced the would-be bad-guy to surrender. In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a Maroon.”

So if you beat an unarmed man in a battle of wits, does that count as self-defense?

Armed Self-defense: International Edition

Here’s a story from Brazil. You broke into the WRONG house! Homeowner opens fire at armed gang who broke into his house in Brazil, sending the cowards running for their lives.

After hacking the security system they parked in the garage and entered the home.

But as they ventured upstairs they were met by the furious homeowner who blasted a pistol at them at point-blank range and sent them fleeing in terror – leaving behind their vehicle.

Police said no arrests have been made but one of the bungling crooks dropped his wallet, ID card and mobile phone at the crime scene, according to Brazilian news outlet G1 Globo.

So at least that guy qualifies as “stupid criminal.” Self-defense is a human-right. And Brazil has been doing more to ensure that it is your legal right as well.

Secret Service K9 Honored for 2014 Event

the PDSA Awards are a big deal. Secret Service Dog Honored For Defending White House From Intruder.

One of the most interesting things about this story is the description of working security.

“Security is 99 percent hanging out waiting for something to happen and 1 percent something actually happening,” Mirarchi recently told Coffee or Die. Still, they remained vigilant and ready for one of those singular moments to occur.

The dog, apparently, is often asleep during that 99 percent.

Working dogs are not pets, but Hurricane earned his pay, got early retirement, and now lives the good life with his old handler, Marshall Mirarchi.

So in October of 2014, some knucklehead jumps the White House fence and runs toward the mansion.

Mirarchi continued. “Although it was not a situation I would deploy him in, it was our only option at the time. I knew he would get it done if I could get him locked on the right guy. The second he got target lock, I let him go. He took off and weaved in and out of the team members in front of us and took the intruder right off his feet. It was the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen a dog do from that distance in those conditions.

Then it’s a wrestling match between a 200 pound miscreant and an 80 pound dog. They dog did eventually have help from the rest of the Secret Service.

If you have 7 minutes or so, click thru and watch the video.

Alligator + Alcohol = Peak Florida

“Here, hold my beer. Y’all watch this!” What does a drunk alligator look like? Two men face charges for trying to find out.

Of course they posted a video.

Wildlife officials first received a complaint about the video in August. The video shows an individual holding an alligator, allowing it to bite his right forearm then pouring a Coors beer into the reptile’s mouth, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After consuming the beer, the alligator thrashes violently.

The two people involved were arrested and charged with “felony taking of an alligator.”

Quote of the Day

Get ready to bask in the glow of nuclear-level stupidity. Need to mail a bunch of narcotics? Here’s what not to do.

Here’s the quote:

If the Unabomber were dead, he’d roll over in his grave.

So he calls an Uber to take him to a restaurant.

Along the way, Borowski-Beszta asked the Uber driver to pull over because he wanted to mail something. The driver did.

That’s when… You’re not going to believe this.

That’s when police say Borowski-Beszta pulled his hoodie over his face, put on sunglasses and gloves, then “carefully placed a package into a mailbox” at a massive intersection with no fewer than four city surveillance cameras in plain view. On the 18th anniversary of the September 11 attacks.

In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

Since the Uber driver wasn’t an idiot, he called police after dropping the guy off.

Audio of “Shots Fired,” a Cop Shot, and Radio Chaos

An incident occurred on Staten Island where an officer, responding to a domestic-violence call, was shot. ‘I’m shot’: Dramatic NYPD scanner audio captures first moments after police-involved shooting.

This is interesting because it points out something that the cop-shows and movies seem to ignore/gloss-over. The chaos of a radio channel when multiple people are all trying to talk at once. In this case the dispatcher can’t even get a clear response to “what is the location of the 10-13?” because of insanity. Even calls for a clear channel, seem to be ignored.

The cop was shot in the hand, when the subject pulled a gun, and there was struggle to control that weapon. The subject was shot 3 times, and died as a result of those injuries.

He Is Damn Lucky He Wasn’t Shot

He got drunk. He got lost. ‘I said get the eff out’ – More details on Saturday’s criminal tresspasses in West Fargo.

He let himself into one home, and asked to pass out on the couch, which was when he was asked to “Get the eff out.”

He was pounding on a neighbor’s window so hard he broke a screen.

His mother says he was just drunk and didn’t mean any harm. But he could be so dead.

North Dakota Century Code 12.1-05-06 says force is justified if it is used to prevent or terminate an unlawful entry or other trespass in or upon premises…

Norton says the young man is lucky to be alive.

So lucky.

The Stupid. It Burns.

This guy wins a gold medal for this boneheaded move. Listen: Man calls Sharonville Police Department to complain that officers stole his weed.

No. Recreational marijuana is NOT legal in Ohio.

After a brief conversation with a dispatcher, the man goes on a rant about how “motherf****** cops” pocketed his weed then demanded his weed back, insisting anything under 100 grams is “cool.”

“From what I know 100 grams is cool, right? Or am I wrong?” the caller said.

“You are wrong,” the sergeant said.

And while Cincinnati has apparently decided to look the other way on a small amount of weed, Sharonville is most definitely not Cincinnati.

Stupid Doesn’t Begin to Describe This

A truly epic fail of the victim-selection process, followed by some stunningly bad judgement. Fla. man shot by off-duty deputies he tried to rob.

Yes, you read that correctly, he tried to rob a couple of off-duty sheriff’s deputies.

According to an arrest affidavit, the deputies say Jones pulled a gun to rob them and refused to drop it after they identified themselves and pulled their guns. They say Jones fired shots and they shot him in the leg.

He is lucky they didn’t shoot him in the head. (Probably they wanted to avoid the paper-work involved.)

Self-defense is a human-right. Not realizing you are in deep yogurt if you try to rob a couple of LEOs is beyond dense. He is really lucky to be alive.

A 30-year-old Spoiled Brat

You can find news stories all over the place, but Captain Capitalism nails it. Rich Parents Who Spoil Their Kids Get What They Deserve.

Which includes:

Raising your grandchildren because your children are too busy having fun
Constantly bailing out your children
Your children living at home
Co-signing student loans at the age of 68
Oh, and death when you cut their allowance.

The Father cut his 30-year-old son’s allowance from $1000 a month to $300. In stages, but it hit $300 per month just before he was killed. (All the details at the 2nd link in the quote.)

Denial – It Ain’t Just a River in Egypt

Fourth teen surrenders in caught-on-video bloody Brooklyn beatdown, but his mom insists suspects are ‘not bad kids’

Because “not bad kids” always beat the crap out of a stranger for no good reason.

Yanika Williams, 41, spoke at the 75th Precinct stationhouse after her 15-year-old son turned himself in for the ambush that left the victim with a deep head wound requiring 35 stitches and 16 staples. The badly outnumbered Kenneth Wong, 35, also suffered a broken nose in Friday’s caught-on-video attack.

They used his stolen credit card for a trip to McDonald’s.

There is video and it is a little disturbing.

Last word goes to the victim.

“Saying they’re good kids does not exonerate them,” Wong told The News after the fourth youth surrendered Tuesday. “In fact, it’s unfortunate the law doesn’t say parents should also be arrested because of their kid’s actions …. My face is disfigured enough that facial recognition doesn’t recognize (me).”

Florida Man – Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

He was using FaceTime duing his high-speed chase, among other things. Florida Man Caught FaceTiming High-Speed Pursuit While Traveling 110 MPH.

A cop tried to pull him over for “reckless speeding.” That didn’t work.

Hughes reportedly managed to reach speeds between 90 mph and 110 mph. In the meantime, he was seen FaceTiming his experience while driving during various parts of the pursuit.

“It should be noted the defendant was FaceTiming on his phone while I was traveling behind with my lights and sirens activated,” read the officer’s quote in FHP’s statement.

They eventually stopped him with a PIT maneuver.

Police noted that Hughes is a habitual traffic offender with multiple license suspensions on his record. He now faces new charges including driving with a suspended license, fleeing and eluding police, and for the icing on the cake, drug possession.

I’m shocked to discover that criminals don’t follow the law. Or maybe I’m not too shocked.

Armed Homeowner Shoots Guy Fleeing Cops

The would-be, bad-guy wasn’t having the best day. Homeowner shoots man in his St. Paul yard who police say fled from stolen car.

He stole a car, and was being chased by police, but was so reckless that the cops lost sight of him. Then there was a 2 car crash involving the stolen vehicle, and the driver ran, right to an armed homeowner’s house. Where he got shot.

A sign visible in the home’s front window reads, “No Trespassing,” and “Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again!”

Heh. And he was shot more than once.

They took the guy who got shot to the hospital. They are questioning the homeowner about what happened, but he is not under arrest.

The guy who got shot was wanted on a prior incident of auto theft.

Darwin Award Winner of the Week

The beautiful thing is the safe was empty when he was trying to steal it. Indiana Man Finds Burglar Crushed by 900-Pound Safe in His Home.

The homeowner was checking his property—located about 70 miles north of Indianapolis—to determine what had been stolen after the robbery and was “cleaning the clutter in his garage.” That’s when Hollingsworth discovered his safe—which was suspended by a floor jack—had been knocked over.

“Upon further inspection Mr. Hollingsworth found a body lying underneath the safe,” the police said.

Karma is a bitch.

What’s The Opposite of Diversity?

University. And that goes double if you are in California. EXCLUSIVE: Berkeley assault suspect’s higher ed employment history more extensive than first thought.

Why are Leftist so violent?

Zachary Greenberg, the 28-year-old man facing three felony charges and one misdemeanor charge in connection to the incident involving Leadership Institute Field Representative Hayden Williams, has worked, volunteered, and studied at numerous institutions of higher education in California for the better part of a decade, a Campus Reform investigation has found.

His LinkedIn profile was removed within hours of him posting bail.

[The guy who got attacked,] who is an employee of Campus Reform’s parent organization, suffered a black eye and symptoms of a concussion after Greenberg punched him in the face on the campus of the University of California-Berkeley.

He was stupid enough to commit an assault on camera, but it being California, I wonder if he will face any justice.

The Left loves diversity, as long as you only think what they tell you think, and speak words that they have approved. Should I file this as a Hate Crime?

We Clearly Need Common Sense Cookie Control

I’m not sure if the guy or the cops make this Peak Florida. Florida man arrested for throwing cookie at girlfriend.

A couple gets into a fight. He throws a cookie at her.

In an arrest report, deputies noted that the victim had a red mark on the top of her forehead in her hairline.

Deputies say Smith admitted to throwing the cookie at the woman without her consent.

I think that speaks for itself. Though I’m not at all sure what it says.