“If all robbers were this dumb, our jobs would be a lot easier.”

He went to a cellphone store looking for money. He’s never heard of credit cards, apparently. Would-be robber gets locked inside Boost Mobile store, tries to shoot his way out: Police.

So the clerk had no money, but told the guy he could get some. Just wait right here.

“Can you wait a few minutes, I give you money, I have another employee outside,” the clerk said he told him.
So the bandit agreed to wait inside while he went out to get the money and locked the door behind him.

“Yes, I closed the door and put the shutter down,” the employee said.

SWAT showed up a few minutes later and convinced the would-be bad-guy to surrender. In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a Maroon.”

So if you beat an unarmed man in a battle of wits, does that count as self-defense?

Armed Self-defense: International Edition

Here’s a story from Brazil. You broke into the WRONG house! Homeowner opens fire at armed gang who broke into his house in Brazil, sending the cowards running for their lives.

After hacking the security system they parked in the garage and entered the home.

But as they ventured upstairs they were met by the furious homeowner who blasted a pistol at them at point-blank range and sent them fleeing in terror – leaving behind their vehicle.

Police said no arrests have been made but one of the bungling crooks dropped his wallet, ID card and mobile phone at the crime scene, according to Brazilian news outlet G1 Globo.

So at least that guy qualifies as “stupid criminal.” Self-defense is a human-right. And Brazil has been doing more to ensure that it is your legal right as well.

Secret Service K9 Honored for 2014 Event

the PDSA Awards are a big deal. Secret Service Dog Honored For Defending White House From Intruder.

One of the most interesting things about this story is the description of working security.

“Security is 99 percent hanging out waiting for something to happen and 1 percent something actually happening,” Mirarchi recently told Coffee or Die. Still, they remained vigilant and ready for one of those singular moments to occur.

The dog, apparently, is often asleep during that 99 percent.

Working dogs are not pets, but Hurricane earned his pay, got early retirement, and now lives the good life with his old handler, Marshall Mirarchi.

So in October of 2014, some knucklehead jumps the White House fence and runs toward the mansion.

Mirarchi continued. “Although it was not a situation I would deploy him in, it was our only option at the time. I knew he would get it done if I could get him locked on the right guy. The second he got target lock, I let him go. He took off and weaved in and out of the team members in front of us and took the intruder right off his feet. It was the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen a dog do from that distance in those conditions.

Then it’s a wrestling match between a 200 pound miscreant and an 80 pound dog. They dog did eventually have help from the rest of the Secret Service.

If you have 7 minutes or so, click thru and watch the video.

Alligator + Alcohol = Peak Florida

“Here, hold my beer. Y’all watch this!” What does a drunk alligator look like? Two men face charges for trying to find out.

Of course they posted a video.

Wildlife officials first received a complaint about the video in August. The video shows an individual holding an alligator, allowing it to bite his right forearm then pouring a Coors beer into the reptile’s mouth, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After consuming the beer, the alligator thrashes violently.

The two people involved were arrested and charged with “felony taking of an alligator.”

Quote of the Day

Get ready to bask in the glow of nuclear-level stupidity. Need to mail a bunch of narcotics? Here’s what not to do.

Here’s the quote:

If the Unabomber were dead, he’d roll over in his grave.

So he calls an Uber to take him to a restaurant.

Along the way, Borowski-Beszta asked the Uber driver to pull over because he wanted to mail something. The driver did.

That’s when… You’re not going to believe this.

That’s when police say Borowski-Beszta pulled his hoodie over his face, put on sunglasses and gloves, then “carefully placed a package into a mailbox” at a massive intersection with no fewer than four city surveillance cameras in plain view. On the 18th anniversary of the September 11 attacks.

In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

Since the Uber driver wasn’t an idiot, he called police after dropping the guy off.

Audio of “Shots Fired,” a Cop Shot, and Radio Chaos

An incident occurred on Staten Island where an officer, responding to a domestic-violence call, was shot. ‘I’m shot’: Dramatic NYPD scanner audio captures first moments after police-involved shooting.

This is interesting because it points out something that the cop-shows and movies seem to ignore/gloss-over. The chaos of a radio channel when multiple people are all trying to talk at once. In this case the dispatcher can’t even get a clear response to “what is the location of the 10-13?” because of insanity. Even calls for a clear channel, seem to be ignored.

The cop was shot in the hand, when the subject pulled a gun, and there was struggle to control that weapon. The subject was shot 3 times, and died as a result of those injuries.

He Is Damn Lucky He Wasn’t Shot

He got drunk. He got lost. ‘I said get the eff out’ – More details on Saturday’s criminal tresspasses in West Fargo.

He let himself into one home, and asked to pass out on the couch, which was when he was asked to “Get the eff out.”

He was pounding on a neighbor’s window so hard he broke a screen.

His mother says he was just drunk and didn’t mean any harm. But he could be so dead.

North Dakota Century Code 12.1-05-06 says force is justified if it is used to prevent or terminate an unlawful entry or other trespass in or upon premises…

Norton says the young man is lucky to be alive.

So lucky.

The Stupid. It Burns.

This guy wins a gold medal for this boneheaded move. Listen: Man calls Sharonville Police Department to complain that officers stole his weed.

No. Recreational marijuana is NOT legal in Ohio.

After a brief conversation with a dispatcher, the man goes on a rant about how “motherf****** cops” pocketed his weed then demanded his weed back, insisting anything under 100 grams is “cool.”

“From what I know 100 grams is cool, right? Or am I wrong?” the caller said.

“You are wrong,” the sergeant said.

And while Cincinnati has apparently decided to look the other way on a small amount of weed, Sharonville is most definitely not Cincinnati.

Stupid Doesn’t Begin to Describe This

A truly epic fail of the victim-selection process, followed by some stunningly bad judgement. Fla. man shot by off-duty deputies he tried to rob.

Yes, you read that correctly, he tried to rob a couple of off-duty sheriff’s deputies.

According to an arrest affidavit, the deputies say Jones pulled a gun to rob them and refused to drop it after they identified themselves and pulled their guns. They say Jones fired shots and they shot him in the leg.

He is lucky they didn’t shoot him in the head. (Probably they wanted to avoid the paper-work involved.)

Self-defense is a human-right. Not realizing you are in deep yogurt if you try to rob a couple of LEOs is beyond dense. He is really lucky to be alive.

A 30-year-old Spoiled Brat

You can find news stories all over the place, but Captain Capitalism nails it. Rich Parents Who Spoil Their Kids Get What They Deserve.

Which includes:

Raising your grandchildren because your children are too busy having fun
Constantly bailing out your children
Your children living at home
Co-signing student loans at the age of 68
Oh, and death when you cut their allowance.

The Father cut his 30-year-old son’s allowance from $1000 a month to $300. In stages, but it hit $300 per month just before he was killed. (All the details at the 2nd link in the quote.)

Denial – It Ain’t Just a River in Egypt

Fourth teen surrenders in caught-on-video bloody Brooklyn beatdown, but his mom insists suspects are ‘not bad kids’

Because “not bad kids” always beat the crap out of a stranger for no good reason.

Yanika Williams, 41, spoke at the 75th Precinct stationhouse after her 15-year-old son turned himself in for the ambush that left the victim with a deep head wound requiring 35 stitches and 16 staples. The badly outnumbered Kenneth Wong, 35, also suffered a broken nose in Friday’s caught-on-video attack.

They used his stolen credit card for a trip to McDonald’s.

There is video and it is a little disturbing.

Last word goes to the victim.

“Saying they’re good kids does not exonerate them,” Wong told The News after the fourth youth surrendered Tuesday. “In fact, it’s unfortunate the law doesn’t say parents should also be arrested because of their kid’s actions …. My face is disfigured enough that facial recognition doesn’t recognize (me).”

Florida Man – Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

He was using FaceTime duing his high-speed chase, among other things. Florida Man Caught FaceTiming High-Speed Pursuit While Traveling 110 MPH.

A cop tried to pull him over for “reckless speeding.” That didn’t work.

Hughes reportedly managed to reach speeds between 90 mph and 110 mph. In the meantime, he was seen FaceTiming his experience while driving during various parts of the pursuit.

“It should be noted the defendant was FaceTiming on his phone while I was traveling behind with my lights and sirens activated,” read the officer’s quote in FHP’s statement.

They eventually stopped him with a PIT maneuver.

Police noted that Hughes is a habitual traffic offender with multiple license suspensions on his record. He now faces new charges including driving with a suspended license, fleeing and eluding police, and for the icing on the cake, drug possession.

I’m shocked to discover that criminals don’t follow the law. Or maybe I’m not too shocked.

Armed Homeowner Shoots Guy Fleeing Cops

The would-be, bad-guy wasn’t having the best day. Homeowner shoots man in his St. Paul yard who police say fled from stolen car.

He stole a car, and was being chased by police, but was so reckless that the cops lost sight of him. Then there was a 2 car crash involving the stolen vehicle, and the driver ran, right to an armed homeowner’s house. Where he got shot.

A sign visible in the home’s front window reads, “No Trespassing,” and “Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again!”

Heh. And he was shot more than once.

They took the guy who got shot to the hospital. They are questioning the homeowner about what happened, but he is not under arrest.

The guy who got shot was wanted on a prior incident of auto theft.

Darwin Award Winner of the Week

The beautiful thing is the safe was empty when he was trying to steal it. Indiana Man Finds Burglar Crushed by 900-Pound Safe in His Home.

The homeowner was checking his property—located about 70 miles north of Indianapolis—to determine what had been stolen after the robbery and was “cleaning the clutter in his garage.” That’s when Hollingsworth discovered his safe—which was suspended by a floor jack—had been knocked over.

“Upon further inspection Mr. Hollingsworth found a body lying underneath the safe,” the police said.

Karma is a bitch.

What’s The Opposite of Diversity?

University. And that goes double if you are in California. EXCLUSIVE: Berkeley assault suspect’s higher ed employment history more extensive than first thought.

Why are Leftist so violent?

Zachary Greenberg, the 28-year-old man facing three felony charges and one misdemeanor charge in connection to the incident involving Leadership Institute Field Representative Hayden Williams, has worked, volunteered, and studied at numerous institutions of higher education in California for the better part of a decade, a Campus Reform investigation has found.

His LinkedIn profile was removed within hours of him posting bail.

[The guy who got attacked,] who is an employee of Campus Reform’s parent organization, suffered a black eye and symptoms of a concussion after Greenberg punched him in the face on the campus of the University of California-Berkeley.

He was stupid enough to commit an assault on camera, but it being California, I wonder if he will face any justice.

The Left loves diversity, as long as you only think what they tell you think, and speak words that they have approved. Should I file this as a Hate Crime?

We Clearly Need Common Sense Cookie Control

I’m not sure if the guy or the cops make this Peak Florida. Florida man arrested for throwing cookie at girlfriend.

A couple gets into a fight. He throws a cookie at her.

In an arrest report, deputies noted that the victim had a red mark on the top of her forehead in her hairline.

Deputies say Smith admitted to throwing the cookie at the woman without her consent.

I think that speaks for itself. Though I’m not at all sure what it says.

The Left: We Should Feel Sorry For Smollett

Because even if he isn’t a victim, he’s a victim. Or something. Jussie Smollett deserves punishment for hate crime hoax, but he also deserves compassion.

Jussie Smollett is not Lex Luthor; he’s more like an inept shoplifter caught trying to steal a canned ham. We should consider feeling sorry for him.

OK. I gave this the 1.6 seconds of consideration it deserves, and I will reserve my compassion for the numerous victims of REAL hate crimes. Like the guy who was beaten (it was on security camera video) on the night that Smollett said he beaten, but wasn’t really.

Smollett is an attention-whore, who was unhappy with his salary (which I’ve seen reported at 1.8 million dollars), and so he manufactured a hate crime to raise his level of public awareness. Well, I can honestly say that I had never heard of him before he pulled this stunt, so that much worked anyway. But he has been written out of the last 2 episodes of whatever show he’s on, and “it’s in doubt whether he’ll return to the show at all.” No kidding. I can honestly say that I hope he never works as an actor again, though I know that the people in Hollywood will forgive him eventually.

Something the Left doesn’t like to dwell on; actions have consequences. Welcome to The Real World™.

And one of those consequences is spelled out in the fable, The Boy Who Cried “Wolf.” Cynthia Tucker: False claims undermine real justice.

If “Empire” actor Jussie Smollett is guilty, as Chicago police have charged, of falsely claiming he was the victim of a hate crime, he has done a grave disservice to the many Americans — black and brown, Muslim and Jew, gay and transgender — who have been or will be the actual victims of such attacks.

So no. I won’t have compassion for the idiot, Jussie Smollett. 30 years ago, I spent too much time helping to scrape friends off the sidewalk and take them to the hospital after real hate crimes. You see, if there is a violent crime, and cops don’t show up, the paramedics can’t come either. (It’s a violent crime!) And back in the day, one of the worst things you could do, was call the cops to the scene of a gay-bashing. They were bound to make a bad situation worse. So USA Today, and their “Let’s have compassion for the idiot who staged his own hate crime, and did a piss-poor job of it,” can go FUCK themselves. And take the asshole with them on the way out the door.

Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid

Or the fact that no one studies history anymore. Confederate monument vandals take aim at wrong Lee statue in Dunn.

They thought they were protesting General Robert E. Lee of Civil War fame. They were off by a little.

“I was surprised that anybody would do that to this museum statue,” Johnson said. “This is not a Civil War museum and this is not Robert E. Lee. This is General William C. Lee from United States Army Airborne from World War II, so I was hurt and surprised that somebody would actually do this.”

In the words of Agent Maxwell Smart, “Missed it by that much.”

Like I said. Stupid.

Whoever Mailed the Threatening Letter to Smollett…

They made a serious mistake. Smollett threat letter called “enormous mistake”; Purported attack location identified; Federal charges “certain”.

Since being created by Benjamin Franklin—yes, that Benjamin Franklin—the [United States Postal Inspection Service] has learned a few things about tracing mail-based crimes. Figuring out who mailed a letter has been made easier because, while most criminals know to wear gloves to avoid leaving fingerprints, most criminals also forget to leave their cellphones at home when they go to the mailbox.

According to CWBChicago [Crime in Wrigleyville and Boystown] there has already been stuff taken to a federal grand jury. The letter was mailed on January 18th.

Meanwhile, the FBI and the U.S. Postal Inspection Service has been quietly working on the origins of Smollett’s letter for nearly a month. Giving it far more “attention” than he knew.

Late Monday, CWBChicago received confirmation that the letter case has been before a federal grand jury and multiple subpoenas have been generated over the course of the investigation.

Possible charges, if it turns out to be a false flag, include “terroristic hoax” and federal obstruction charges.

And Just Like That, The Smollett Story Begins to Unravel

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. Smollett, two others in “active interviews” with Chicago police; Evidence of police “slow play” emerging.

That story about 2 MAGA-hat-wearing Hillbillies in Streeterville (perhaps the most expensive neighborhood, in one of the Bluest cities in American) never rang true. (Even before the cops said they couldn’t find them on any security camera.) Streeterville is the very definition of the Limousine Liberal Set.

The two “persons of interest” that have been talked about turn out to be African American and known to Smollett. One is an actor he has worked with in the past.

TMZ also reported that police used “rideshare and/or taxicab records” to identify the “persons of interest” and to track their movements on the night of the purported attack.

And if “rideshare” records from Lyft weren’t enough, there is apparently a receipt for the purchase of clothesline at ACE Hardware. (The “rope” in question, apparently.) What? Nobody who is cool uses CASH!

Nothing says “Bonehead” like leaving an electronic trail behind you while on your super-secret, covert operation to discredit people you don’t like.

Smollett this week turned over “heavily redacted” phone records from the night of the alleged attack. Guglielmi said the submitted documents did not meet the burden of a criminal investigation. Investigators already received Smollett’s complete phone records via a subpoena served on his service provider, according to a source close quoted by CWBChicago on Feb. 4.

A source familiar with the records provided by the Empire star states that Smollett downloaded his phone activity into a spreadsheet and then deleted certain phone calls before handing over the records. “He did the [detectives’] job for them because then they only had to focus on the numbers he deleted.”

That last sentence makes me smile. In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon!”

In other news, Smollett hired the PR firm that handled stuff for Harvey Weinstein. Info on the PR firm being hired via Second City Cop – Paging Mr. Weinstein , and Second City Cop’s original take on the situation is at this link.

There should be a nice hot cup of Schadenfreude ready soon, with a hint of liberal tears added for sweetness.