“If all robbers were this dumb, our jobs would be a lot easier.”

He went to a cellphone store looking for money. He’s never heard of credit cards, apparently. Would-be robber gets locked inside Boost Mobile store, tries to shoot his way out: Police.

So the clerk had no money, but told the guy he could get some. Just wait right here.

“Can you wait a few minutes, I give you money, I have another employee outside,” the clerk said he told him.
So the bandit agreed to wait inside while he went out to get the money and locked the door behind him.

“Yes, I closed the door and put the shutter down,” the employee said.

SWAT showed up a few minutes later and convinced the would-be bad-guy to surrender. In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a Maroon.”

So if you beat an unarmed man in a battle of wits, does that count as self-defense?

Armed Self-defense: International Edition

Here’s a story from Brazil. You broke into the WRONG house! Homeowner opens fire at armed gang who broke into his house in Brazil, sending the cowards running for their lives.

After hacking the security system they parked in the garage and entered the home.

But as they ventured upstairs they were met by the furious homeowner who blasted a pistol at them at point-blank range and sent them fleeing in terror – leaving behind their vehicle.

Police said no arrests have been made but one of the bungling crooks dropped his wallet, ID card and mobile phone at the crime scene, according to Brazilian news outlet G1 Globo.

So at least that guy qualifies as “stupid criminal.” Self-defense is a human-right. And Brazil has been doing more to ensure that it is your legal right as well.

Secret Service K9 Honored for 2014 Event

the PDSA Awards are a big deal. Secret Service Dog Honored For Defending White House From Intruder.

One of the most interesting things about this story is the description of working security.

“Security is 99 percent hanging out waiting for something to happen and 1 percent something actually happening,” Mirarchi recently told Coffee or Die. Still, they remained vigilant and ready for one of those singular moments to occur.

The dog, apparently, is often asleep during that 99 percent.

Working dogs are not pets, but Hurricane earned his pay, got early retirement, and now lives the good life with his old handler, Marshall Mirarchi.

So in October of 2014, some knucklehead jumps the White House fence and runs toward the mansion.

Mirarchi continued. “Although it was not a situation I would deploy him in, it was our only option at the time. I knew he would get it done if I could get him locked on the right guy. The second he got target lock, I let him go. He took off and weaved in and out of the team members in front of us and took the intruder right off his feet. It was the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen a dog do from that distance in those conditions.

Then it’s a wrestling match between a 200 pound miscreant and an 80 pound dog. They dog did eventually have help from the rest of the Secret Service.

If you have 7 minutes or so, click thru and watch the video.

Alligator + Alcohol = Peak Florida

“Here, hold my beer. Y’all watch this!” What does a drunk alligator look like? Two men face charges for trying to find out.

Of course they posted a video.

Wildlife officials first received a complaint about the video in August. The video shows an individual holding an alligator, allowing it to bite his right forearm then pouring a Coors beer into the reptile’s mouth, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After consuming the beer, the alligator thrashes violently.

The two people involved were arrested and charged with “felony taking of an alligator.”

Quote of the Day

Get ready to bask in the glow of nuclear-level stupidity. Need to mail a bunch of narcotics? Here’s what not to do.

Here’s the quote:

If the Unabomber were dead, he’d roll over in his grave.

So he calls an Uber to take him to a restaurant.

Along the way, Borowski-Beszta asked the Uber driver to pull over because he wanted to mail something. The driver did.

That’s when… You’re not going to believe this.

That’s when police say Borowski-Beszta pulled his hoodie over his face, put on sunglasses and gloves, then “carefully placed a package into a mailbox” at a massive intersection with no fewer than four city surveillance cameras in plain view. On the 18th anniversary of the September 11 attacks.

In the words of Bugs Bunny, “What a maroon.”

Since the Uber driver wasn’t an idiot, he called police after dropping the guy off.

Audio of “Shots Fired,” a Cop Shot, and Radio Chaos

An incident occurred on Staten Island where an officer, responding to a domestic-violence call, was shot. ‘I’m shot’: Dramatic NYPD scanner audio captures first moments after police-involved shooting.

This is interesting because it points out something that the cop-shows and movies seem to ignore/gloss-over. The chaos of a radio channel when multiple people are all trying to talk at once. In this case the dispatcher can’t even get a clear response to “what is the location of the 10-13?” because of insanity. Even calls for a clear channel, seem to be ignored.

The cop was shot in the hand, when the subject pulled a gun, and there was struggle to control that weapon. The subject was shot 3 times, and died as a result of those injuries.

He Is Damn Lucky He Wasn’t Shot

He got drunk. He got lost. ‘I said get the eff out’ – More details on Saturday’s criminal tresspasses in West Fargo.

He let himself into one home, and asked to pass out on the couch, which was when he was asked to “Get the eff out.”

He was pounding on a neighbor’s window so hard he broke a screen.

His mother says he was just drunk and didn’t mean any harm. But he could be so dead.

North Dakota Century Code 12.1-05-06 says force is justified if it is used to prevent or terminate an unlawful entry or other trespass in or upon premises…

Norton says the young man is lucky to be alive.

So lucky.

The Stupid. It Burns.

This guy wins a gold medal for this boneheaded move. Listen: Man calls Sharonville Police Department to complain that officers stole his weed.

No. Recreational marijuana is NOT legal in Ohio.

After a brief conversation with a dispatcher, the man goes on a rant about how “motherf****** cops” pocketed his weed then demanded his weed back, insisting anything under 100 grams is “cool.”

“From what I know 100 grams is cool, right? Or am I wrong?” the caller said.

“You are wrong,” the sergeant said.

And while Cincinnati has apparently decided to look the other way on a small amount of weed, Sharonville is most definitely not Cincinnati.

Stupid Doesn’t Begin to Describe This

A truly epic fail of the victim-selection process, followed by some stunningly bad judgement. Fla. man shot by off-duty deputies he tried to rob.

Yes, you read that correctly, he tried to rob a couple of off-duty sheriff’s deputies.

According to an arrest affidavit, the deputies say Jones pulled a gun to rob them and refused to drop it after they identified themselves and pulled their guns. They say Jones fired shots and they shot him in the leg.

He is lucky they didn’t shoot him in the head. (Probably they wanted to avoid the paper-work involved.)

Self-defense is a human-right. Not realizing you are in deep yogurt if you try to rob a couple of LEOs is beyond dense. He is really lucky to be alive.

A 30-year-old Spoiled Brat

You can find news stories all over the place, but Captain Capitalism nails it. Rich Parents Who Spoil Their Kids Get What They Deserve.

Which includes:

Raising your grandchildren because your children are too busy having fun
Constantly bailing out your children
Your children living at home
Co-signing student loans at the age of 68
Oh, and death when you cut their allowance.

The Father cut his 30-year-old son’s allowance from $1000 a month to $300. In stages, but it hit $300 per month just before he was killed. (All the details at the 2nd link in the quote.)