Florida Man Goes for a Drive

Now that is what you call ironic. Florida Man Arrested for DUI After Hitting a ‘Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over’ Sign

When a sign warns you to “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over,” about the worst way to test that claim is by running over the sign.

I would say “only in Florida,” but that is demonstrably not true.

Florida Man

Florida Man is always in the news. Trump Drove Me To Drink, Says Defendant.

An 82-year-old Florida retiree busted for drunk driving after wrecking his golf cart claimed Donald Trump drove him to drink, according to police.

He can be blamed for anything and everything. (Hat tip to Wirecutter.)

Florida Man

The Other McCain notes Florida Man Strikes Again.

In the annals of American journalism, one thing is forever certain. No matter what happens, “Florida Man” is always in the headlines

In the long list of pointless crimes, this is more pointless than most. It must be something in the water…

Over a long wait at a fast food restaurant, for which a refund was paid, one person is dead, and one is in jail.

Peak Florida. At least for today.

Florida Man

He was from Alabama, but got into trouble in Orlando. The Mouse has strange powers. Man arrested after camping on Disney World’s Discovery Island during coronavirus pandemic.

Or maybe it’s just something in the water.

Richard McGuire, 42, from Mobile, Alabama, was arrested April 30 after camping on Walt Disney World’s Discovery Island, according to an arrest report acquired by USA TODAY. He was banned from all Disney properties and charged with trespassing.

Orange County officers conducted a search by foot, boat and helicopter and eventually found him.

He had been sleeping in one of the island’s buildings and referred to the property as a “tropical paradise,” according to the arrest report.

Peak Florida. At least for today.

Florida Man

Another lesson in how being intoxicated can be dangerous to your health. Mug shot released of accused Florida home invader hogtied by homeowner.

So this guy was so intoxicated that he was looking for his girlfriend’s house in Tallahassee, but he was actually in Jacksonville. So of course he tries to break into a home.

First a mother home with her kids reacted to his presence.

Jacquelyn Gonsalez said. “I grabbed my daughter in one hand and my protection in the other.” [For you none-Floridians, that would be a firearm. Z-Deb]

She said it wasn’t the ideal way to spend quarantine, but her ring camera caught the suspect trying to get into the house.

She called 911 and then her husband. The husband got there first.

“So I got a call from my wife, a guy was trying to break into the house,” he said. “Drove around, came across the guy… got him to the ground… didn’t know the best thing to do so decided to tie him up,” Aaron said.

When asked if he hogtied the suspect, Aaron laughed and said, “yes.”

The photo at the link is funny, the video is not so amazing, but I leave that decision to you. It’s a local news story with interviews with the husband and the wife.

A happy ending, no one got shot.

The cops say this guy was a danger to himself and the neighborhood, and it sounds like they think this homeowner did them a favor.

Florida Man and Self-defense

Because being locked in at home causes people to have strange reactions. Or something. Alleged Home Burglar Shot, Said He Was Being Chased by Dinosaurs: Police.

Police say a Florida woman was forced to shoot an alleged burglar who she said broke into her home while screaming about dinosaurs.

The incident took place Tuesday in Deltona, according to NBC affiliate WESH-TV, when the woman said she was home with several teenagers inside at the time and heard the sound of shattering glass.

“Bad drugs” may have been involved. He may have broken into as many as 4 homes before getting shot.

You can’t make this stuff up. And self-defense is a human-right.

Democrats and Lies

So did his wife know?

Florida Man can be high profile. Fear and Loathing in South Beach: Florida Democrat ‘Rising Star’ Found in Hotel Room With Meth and Gay Escort.

Typical Democrat behavior:

Andrew Gillum, a married father-of-three who narrowly missed out on becoming Florida’s first black governor, was too ‘inebriated’ to speak when cops arrived at the ritzy Mondrian Hotel in Miami’s South Beach party district.

He was in that hotel room with a gay escort who was overdosing on meth.

Click thru for more info, including some comments from Candace Owens.

Say it again. This guy narrowly missed out on becoming Florida’s first black governor.

Alligator + Alcohol = Peak Florida

“Here, hold my beer. Y’all watch this!” What does a drunk alligator look like? Two men face charges for trying to find out.

Of course they posted a video.

Wildlife officials first received a complaint about the video in August. The video shows an individual holding an alligator, allowing it to bite his right forearm then pouring a Coors beer into the reptile’s mouth, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. After consuming the beer, the alligator thrashes violently.

The two people involved were arrested and charged with “felony taking of an alligator.”

“Golfing in Florida is just different…”

Florida Man plays golf. Video: Golfer not fazed by 7-foot alligator walking across Central Florida golf course.

Professional wakeboarder Steel Lafferty was spending his day golfing in Osceola County when a 7-foot-long alligator crossed right in front of him.

The video is less than a minute long, and worth a look. Click thru.

I think every Florida golfer has an alligator-in-the-water-hazard story. I know all of the ones I know do, and they love to share them.

Florida Man Strikes Again

What is it with Florida and golf carts? Florida man drives golf cart into Walmart, tries to hit shoppers before hitting cash register, deputies say.

[The guy with the golf cart] faces multiple counts of aggravated battery, aggravated assault with a motor vehicle, trespassing, resisting arrest, and felony criminal mischief.

Definitely something in the water. (Besides the gators, that is.)

Chicago Continues to Go Peak Florida

Another gator in Chicago. El Chompo: Cops seize drugs, gun….and 3-foot gator in Northwest Side raid.

Chicago police on Monday night found a three-foot-long alligator as they executed a search warrant in the Irving Park neighborhood.

They found drugs, guns and the gator. Alligators must be the new pit bulls, or something.

Peak Tennessee Gives Peak Florida Some Competition

Meth and alligators don’t mix. Tennessee police warn not to flush drugs down toilet for fear of creating ‘meth-gators’.

Word from The Authorities is “Don’t flush your meth down the toilet.”

But in addition to birds, officials said if the water headed far enough downstream… “it would create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama.”

Hat tip to Wirecutter, who says there’s Nothing worse than a tweeker gator.

Stupid Doesn’t Begin to Describe This

A truly epic fail of the victim-selection process, followed by some stunningly bad judgement. Fla. man shot by off-duty deputies he tried to rob.

Yes, you read that correctly, he tried to rob a couple of off-duty sheriff’s deputies.

According to an arrest affidavit, the deputies say Jones pulled a gun to rob them and refused to drop it after they identified themselves and pulled their guns. They say Jones fired shots and they shot him in the leg.

He is lucky they didn’t shoot him in the head. (Probably they wanted to avoid the paper-work involved.)

Self-defense is a human-right. Not realizing you are in deep yogurt if you try to rob a couple of LEOs is beyond dense. He is really lucky to be alive.

What Would You Do If You Found a Gator in Your Kitchen?

And I don’t mean a member of The University of Florida football team. Yikes! 11-Foot Alligator Breaks Into Florida Home.

An 11 foot gator broke through a window and got into the kitchen of a house in Clearwater.

The homeowner says it went straight for the wine and broke several bottles.

Another photo shows the mess it made in the kitchen, after knocking over a table and chairs.

The photos are good.

Other alligators in Florida news… May 31st one was outside a Venice, FL drugstore. May 23rd Collier County police had one in the road which needed removal. May 3rd there was a gator interfering with mail deliver in Winter Gardens. Lastly, there is video of a gator out for a stroll in Fort Meyers on April 12th.

Snake Bites Florida Man

Is this another reason to stay out of the sunshine state? Maybe. Snake slithers out of toilet, bites Florida man on arm.

Coral Springs police spokesman Chris Swinson said the man was treated at the scene after the 4-foot (1.2-meter) snake bit him when he lifted the toilet seat on Sunday morning. The snake is nonvenomous

Definitely Peak Florida.

Gators in the Swimming Pool Aren’t New

A gator on a gator-pool-float, on the other hand… Alligator relaxes on alligator-shaped pool float in South Miami.

In addition to the photo in the linked tweet (below), there is photo montage of pictures from the end of the 2018 alligator hunt at the linked article above. I’m not sure why it is included, except that alligators cry out for more alligators, and the gator in the pool is on the small side.

Florida Woman Vies With Florida Man for Pure Weirdness

Definitely something in the water. Florida woman pulls gator from pants during traffic stop and more of this week’s weirdest news.

From The Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office:

Not to be outdone by #Floridaman, a #FloridaWoman pulled this alligator out of her pants this morning during traffic stop after being asked the standard “Do you have anything else?” She also had 41 3-stripe turtles in the car

Definitely Peak Florida.

Florida Man – Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

He was using FaceTime duing his high-speed chase, among other things. Florida Man Caught FaceTiming High-Speed Pursuit While Traveling 110 MPH.

A cop tried to pull him over for “reckless speeding.” That didn’t work.

Hughes reportedly managed to reach speeds between 90 mph and 110 mph. In the meantime, he was seen FaceTiming his experience while driving during various parts of the pursuit.

“It should be noted the defendant was FaceTiming on his phone while I was traveling behind with my lights and sirens activated,” read the officer’s quote in FHP’s statement.

They eventually stopped him with a PIT maneuver.

Police noted that Hughes is a habitual traffic offender with multiple license suspensions on his record. He now faces new charges including driving with a suspended license, fleeing and eluding police, and for the icing on the cake, drug possession.

I’m shocked to discover that criminals don’t follow the law. Or maybe I’m not too shocked.

Does an Alligator Count as Peak Florida?

Only because everyone from the local news to the British Press are talking about it. ‘It was really scary.’ Florida woman finds an alligator peering into her front window.

There is a short video clip of the alligator looking in. I haven’t seen video of it “banging on the window” as is said in virtually every article I’ve read.

The British are really hung up on alligators today. I’m not sure why that is. (Maybe they feel deprived, being crocodilian-free.)

As SiGraybeard pointed out

The alligator has the right of way If the alligator comes to your door, don’t open the door. If you’re not sure, and you don’t see anyone through a peephole, a security camera or something else, ignore the knock and listen for sounds of scratching or clawing..

Given there are RULES covering this, it probably happens more often than you think.

Don’t like alligators? Don’t go to Florida. (Or Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama or Texas.) Or at least stay out of the fresh water. And the brackish water. Crocodiles might be in the saltwater (mostly in The Everglades) and there are also sharks in the saltwater.

Florida Man Strikes Again

There were so many options for the “Florida Man” story today.

This is actually from a while back, but if I had seen the story when it was new, it would definitely have been the Peak Florida. Police: Naked man takes cash, hot dogs from Little League concession stand in Florida. This happened on April 7.

A naked man broke into a concession stand at a Little League baseball field in Florida earlier this month, causing nearly $5,000 worth of damage, the Tampa Bay Times reported.

And this guy gets points for having pallet forks on his tractor. A Florida man didn’t want his wife to leave the house, so he got in his tractor.

Can you guess that they are “estranged?” When she got in her truck to leave, he jumped on his tractor and barreled through a fence.

The victim then said that Stewart used the pallet forks on the front of the tractor to hit her driver side rear window and door. Damage to her vehicle could be clearly seen and matched with her statement, according to the deputy’s report.

My theory is that Global Warming is to blame.