Chicago Goes Full Peak Florida

So far I haven’t found anyone calling it a “monster.” Officials confirm alligator living in Humboldt Park Lagoon, drawing curiosity seekers. Then again it is only about 4 or 5 feet long.

Chicago officials confirmed an alligator is living in Humboldt Park Lagoon after several people reported seeing the animal there Tuesday morning and others shared photos of it.

There’s even a guy called “Alligator Bob” who has helped “officials” catch alligators in the past.

In 2010, Alligator Bob helped capture an alligator in the North Branch of the Chicago River near Belmont Avenue. A 2008 capture in the South Branch of the river was billed at the time as the first time an alligator was found in the river. But a Tribune article from 1902 claimed one was found that July near what’s now Roosevelt Road.

Why people think keeping an alligator as a pet would be a good thing, and then why they would “release” one into Chicago waters… these things mystify me.


Fourth of July in Chicago

In the words of HeyJackass! it was the Shitshow of the Year.

As expected, complete and total chaos accompanied the annual fireworks display at Navy Pier. Our live stream captured the insanity starting around the 2 hour 50 minute mark.

Final Stupidity Tally: 7 killed, 69 wounded

Never Stop Fighting

Killhouse Rule 5 applies. Lakeview: Woman fights off sexual assault by kneeing attacker in the face, police say

The woman put an end to the attempted sexual assault by grabbing the offender’s head and kneeing him in the face, police said. He was last seen heading southbound on Clark Street.

The rules above are from Graham Combat. Click the image for a larger view.

How Not to Celebrate the Fourth of July

Fun was not had by all. 14 trampled, 3 stabbed in post-fireworks mayhem at Navy Pier, police say.

First up, idiots of the 2nd order.

Fourteen people were injured as a large group of attendees began running from the pier when someone threw firecrackers, sparking rumors of an active shooter after the annual pyrotechnic display at 600 East Grand. Witnesses reported seeing people trampled by a panicked crowd that was running to get out of the area shortly after 10 p.m.

Then there are the gangs.

Two teenagers were stabbed in a fight that began after gang signs were exchanged between men outside the pier around the same time, police said. A 15-year-old stabbed in the armpit and a 14-year-old stabbed in the arm and rib were transported to Lurie’s Children’s Hospital where their conditions stabilized, police said. Neither teen was being cooperative with police.

At least one other person was stabbed, but he maintains he didn’t see who it was that stabbed him.

And then there were the general injuries that occur when you pack a bunch of people into the Navy Pier area.

As of 9:00PM Friday, weekend is really rolling… Shitshow of the Year. (4th of July weekend is usually one of the most deadly weekends in Chicago.)

9:00p Stupidity Tally: 6 killed, 36 wounded

Those numbers will change. And those numbers don’t include stabbings, unless someone dies.

Pride Weekend Insanity in Chicago

It wasn’t even rolled into the Fourth of July insanity this year, but still managed to be insane. Pride Weekend Stupidity.

Final Stupidity Tally: 4 killed, 56 wounded
2018 weekend tally: 3 killed, 23 wounded
2017 weekend tally: 7 killed, 47 wounded*
2016 weekend tally: 5 killed, 29 wounded*

The asterisk indicates that the weekend WAS a part of the Fourth of July “celebration.”

Also of interest are the safety recommendations from CWBChicago, Our Annual Pride Advice: Enjoy The Days, Avoid The Nights. They include things like…

Saturday Night

  • Leave the area by midnight. If you use Uber or Lyft, be sure to verify that the car you get into and its driver match the information on your app.
  • If you take the train, use the Addison L station. Do not use the Belmont station.
  • Avoid walking through large groups that are blocking the sidewalk. Go around.
  • Belmont Avenue is a “no go zone” between midnight and 6:00 a.m. Stay away from it, no matter how many people are with you.

Think about that last item for a minute. There are places, in Chicago, within walking distance of some fairly expensive neighborhoods, where you should assume that the rules of civilization don’t apply.

CWBChicago also has a list of highlights from the police dispatch calls. Rain-shortened Pride parade spawns 26 arrests (and some pretty entertaining 911 calls). It includes some things like the following.

6:27PM — Ironically, a woman has reportedly fallen through the glass door at the Open Door Youth Center, 3262 North Clark.

And things like people taking off their clothes in the middle of the street, all the insanity that drunks can get up to (from jumping on cars, to getting their feet caught in fences, to passing out in unfortunate places.)

In the Least Surprising News of the Day, Democratic Mayor of Chicago to Raise Taxes

Because you can’t cut expenses. Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot: ‘No question’ city will need more tax money from residents.

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot on Wednesday said there’s “no question” residents will need to pay more in taxes or fees to plug a looming city budget shortfall estimated at more than $700 million.

Sales tax is over 10 percent in Chicago, or it was the last time I was there. And the city lot wanted to charge me $21 per hour park next to the Art Institute.

And to be fair, a lot of things – mostly pensions – she can’t cut, not without declaring bankruptcy.

Emmanuel raised property taxes $588 million, and also raised water/sewer bills $233 million. The middle class is (once again) abandoning Chicago, for the somewhat lower tax suburbs at least.

So will squeezing harder actually result in any net revenue? When the wealthy start to leave, then the city will enter a financial free-fall.

Self-defense in The People’s Republic of Chicago

I know this is late. I probably need to update my news feeds. Concealed carry holder kills man with gun.

A concealed-carry holder shot and killed someone who approached him with a gun May 27 in Little Village on the Southwest Side.

He shot the guy in the head, and it took him 3 days to die.

Self-defense is a human-right, and even in Chicago, it might be your legal right. (Though when this article was published, the investigation was still underway.)